Workplace Bullying: Am I going crazy?

The answer is no, you are not going crazy! What IS crazy is waking up with a pit in your stomach at the thought of going to work. No one likes that feeling, and I do mean no one. Especially when it’s a place where you are spending anywhere from 15 to 50 hours of your life there. So why don’t we start from the beginning?

What is bullying?

According to the National Centre Against Bullying, it is defined as an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical, and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening. (1)

Most of the time, when you think of the word bullying it goes hand in hand with school and children. That DOES NOT mean it is exclusive to schools and playgrounds though. It, unfortunately, happens all over, from households to conference rooms and anywhere in between. This, however, is aimed at you, the adult, and your work life. So how do you know if you are being tormented at work? Let’s start by taking account of your personal feelings when you say the word… work. Do you feel anxious? Do you have sweaty palms or a pit in your stomach at the thought of going to work? Thinking of calling out so you don’t have to run into THAT person? Do you have a hard time falling asleep at night because work and… that person… are on your mind? If any of those sound familiar to you, there is a reason.

Now, unfortunately, workplace bullying tends to be a bit more under the radar than your typical, push you down, playground bully. Adults, as a whole, are intelligent and usually come equipped with the ability to fly under the ‘work policies’ radar. This means it’s easy to bully someone in a way that they don’t have concrete evidence of how, when it comes to speaking with a manager, supervisor, or boss. So it’s crucial to keep a record of any interaction with said person. By keeping track of the date, time, the incident, any witnesses, and the outcome, you set yourself up to have that concrete evidence when talking with a supervisor or manager.

What qualifies as workplace bullying?

• Spreading false rumors, gossiping, mockery, humiliation, or inappropriate jokes
• Physically abusing or threatening abuse
• Yelling or using profanity when speaking to that individual
• Unjust or overly harsh criticism and excessive monitoring
• Social exclusion or isolation in the workplace
• Tampering with a person's personal belongings or work station/ office
• Invasion of privacy by spying, stalking, or pestering
• Deliberately sabotaging or interfering with a person’s work or even taking credit for another person’s ideas or work
• Belittling, speaking over, or constantly interrupting a person
• Refused promotions or continued denial of time off requests without a valid or appropriate reason
• Repeated ignoring, eye-rolling, shaming, or ostracizing a person
• Not making eye contact with you, but making eye contact with all the other employees
• Joking and conversing with others in a social way but changing demeanors and being tight-lipped, and or overly polite/ professional when you walk in/ nearby

These are all examples of workplace bullying. Unfortunately, our current Federal laws only protect workers from bullying when it involves physical harm or threats. Or if the bullying/ harassment is done to someone over their gender, race, religion, national origin, color, disability, or age. Now THAT IS illegal. If that is your case, then head on over to https://civilrights.justice.gov/#three and file your complaint because that is a wwwwhhhhole other ballgame.

Sadly, workplace bullying tends to be primarily psychological or verbal so, it’s not always visible to others. That, however, does not mean your hands are tied.

So what can you do?

First, it is essential to know that you are not alone. More than 60 million working people, myself included, reported being bullied at work, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute. (2) That’s a huge, disappointing number! Especially when the total amount of working Americans is 155.76 million, and 60 million of them are being or have been bullied. Yikes! If only we could make the Golden Rule… an ACTUAL rule!

So if you are ready to take down your bully so you can finally take that sigh of relief, let’s get to it. Like I said before, it is imperative to document your interactions with your bully. The more details the better! It can be as easy as taking notes on your phone. After all, you have just as much of a right to go to work in a peaceful setting as your bully, so don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself. Speak in a calm, clear voice and tell them that their behavior is not acceptable, not appropriate and that they need to stop. Now if the world was just, that may be all they need to hear to stop that behavior. Unfortunately, that may not be the situation for everyone. So be sure to keep any emails, memos, letters, texts, or even voicemails from that individual.

I wasn’t joking when I said DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!

You told your bully to stop. You are documenting everything, but it’s STILL happening! What next??

Now it’s time to involve your supervisor, union leader, or boss. If your concerns are minimized, well Hunny, don’t let that stop you. That just means it’s time to go to the next level of management or the HR Department. Don’t stop fighting for your right to work in a neutral, peaceful environment. Your mental and physical well being are counting on you!

The most critical part is…. DO NOT RETALIATE. No matter how angry, upset, and frustrated you are. Do not sink to your bully’s level.

Now if the behavior continues, and nothing is being done, that may just be a sign that it is time to move on. After all, no job is worth your mental and physical health. You deserve to be treated with respect and to feel valued. Or if you want justice, take alllll of your documentation, including the fact that your boss/ supervisor did nothing, and contact a lawyer who specializes in workplace harassment. You could even file a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Depends on what road you want to go down.

Just know, that the bully is NOT a reflection of you. It is a reflection of them, their shortcomings, and their need to control, which usually stems from envy. So keep your head up and empower yourself by having the knowledge that your bully may just be jealous of the amazing person that YOU are. ;)

If you want more information on mental health, head on over to www.dynamicduocopy.com for other blogs and wellness tips.

(1)https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/

(2)https://workplacebullying.org/